Is Focusing On Pregnancy In The Future A Good Idea Or Not?

ABANDON ANY HOPE OF FRUITION “Fruition” implies that at some future time you will feel good. One of the most powerful Buddhist teachings is that as long as you are wishing for things to change, they never will. As long as you’re wanting yourself to get better, you won’t. As long as you are oriented toward the future, you can never just relax into what you already have or already are. ..a quote from Teachings by Pema Chödrön, from works published by Shambhala Publications

How To Replace Fear With Hope When You Are Trying To Get Pregnant

I have become aware of how much fear is present in women who are undergoing infertility treatments. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate fear from anxiety or worry, but I think there are some clear differences. Many women say: “If I fear the worst will happen and expect the worst, then if it happens, I already expected it so the bad news will be easier to manage.” In fact, I have never found this to be true.

What my clients have taught me, as well as what I have experienced in my own personal life, is that when our lives do not unfold as we had hoped they would, we always feel sadness, disappointment, and sometimes anger. Even if we have assumed and prepared for the worst outcome, the end result is that the sadness, the disappointment, and the anger are always the same.

Let’s take the example of preparing for a new in vitro fertilization cycle. Continue reading

Tips For Sleeping Peacefully During Infertility

Most women I talk with who are going through infertility have difficulty sleeping at least three nights per week.  Sleep is so vital to our physical and mental health, and there are many things you can do to prepare for a good night’s sleep. I want to share some tips which can help you improve your sleeping patterns, fall asleep easily, and stay asleep.

 Decrease your caffeine intake. Caffeine disrupts your natural sleep cycle. If you consume caffeine during the second half of the day, it is an even bigger obstacle to deep sleep during the night.

 Avoid naps during the day until your sleep patterns are stable. If you still need a nap during the day, a 20 minute nap is optimal to re-energize.

 Dim the lights in your home as the sun goes down.  This signals to your mind that it is time to wind down and transition from your active day into a more relaxing evening. As the sun sets, the pineal gland is able to sense the change in light transmitted through your eyes, and it begins to secrete a hormone, melatonin, to prepare your body for sleep. While eating dinner, light candles and dim your lights. This is not only romantic, it’s also very relaxing. Continue reading

Enjoy Romance, Passion, And Sex On Valentines Day And Calm The Frustrations Of Infertility

Happy Valentines Day! This is a perfect day to celebrate and be grateful for your wonderful partner. What if you celebrated your relationship not just today…but every day? If your sex life has decreased during infertility treatment, you are not alone. Why should you settle for an infrequent or unfulfilling sexual relationship with your partner? You deserve better.  

During the past twenty-two years, I have specialized in counseling individuals, couples and groups who are experiencing infertility. I talk with couples openly and intimately about how their sex life is affected during infertility treatments, and I have never heard a couple say their sex life improved during treatment. Instead, their sexual activity ranges form ‘about the same” to “non-existent”. Continue reading

Best Lubricants When Trying To Conceive

Have you ever wondered if your lubricant could be interfering with pregnancy? This is a great article with all the information you need to know.

Reuters Health Information

Study Warns Some Lubricants Could Block Conception

By Ronnie Cohen

February 05, 2014

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Couples trying to conceive may want to avoid some common sexual lubricants, which a new study says can harm sperm and reduce the chances of pregnancy.

“Lubricants available on the shelf at Target, Walmart are not lubricants any couple should use if they are trying to have a baby,” said Kazim R. Chohan, senior author of the study and director of the Andrology Laboratory at the State University of New York Upstate Medical Center in Syracuse.

“Couples can try them for their sexual pleasure,” Chohan told Reuters Health. “But if they are trying to have a baby, then they are not going to work for them.” Continue reading

OVERCOMING Infertility – A Symposium On Ways to Become A Parent

OVERCOMING Infertility – A Symposium On Ways to Become A Parent

I am speaking at this symposium and hope you will join me. Bring your friends and family to this wonderful event.

Saturday, November 9, 2013 from 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM (EST)

Heritage Sandy Springs
6110 Blue Stone Road Northeast
Atlanta, GA 30328

The Cade Foundation will host a free education focused seminar that will include a panel of experts from the Atlanta metropolitan area who support families with infertility and/or considering adoption. This will include:

Fertility Treatment- RBA (Reproductive Biology Associates)

Adoption –  AIS (Adoption Information Services)

Legal support for adoption or 3rd party fertility treatment – The Law office of Sara M. Clay P.C.

Infertility Counselor – Carol Fulwiler Jones MA

Please join us!

Top Recommendation For Yoga Fertility Solutions: Pay Attention

While I was taking an asana yoga class in India, the teacher stopped the class and said, “PAY ATTENTION! You are not paying attention to your practice. What is the point of doing your yoga practice if you are not focusing on what you are doing?”

 This comment still resonates with me. What is the point in doing anything if you are not fully engaged in the present moment?  Going through the motions of your daily life will only get you through the day. You miss the special moments, the special feelings that arise, and the sensations of being alive and aware.

You may be thinking you prefer not being fully aware of the emotional challenges of infertility. I’ll suggest a different perspective. Continue reading

Yoga Fertility Solutions

I rrecently spent seven weeks in India traveling and studying Yoga and Fertility at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram in Chennai, a large city on the coast of southern India. I have studied, practiced, and taught yoga in this tradition for over 30 years. The focus of my trip was to take an intensive four week course, The Heart of Yoga.  I took seven hours of yoga classes each day, and during my lunch breaks or at the end of class, I often had a private lesson with one of their master teachers who specializes in Yoga and Fertility. I was also given a personal yoga practice to be done every evening. To say the least, it was a yoga immersion which I have wanted to experience for the past 25 years.

I will be blogging about what I learned about yoga and fertility, and I am very excited to share this ancient wisdom with women, men and couples who are struggling to become parents. I look forward to reviewing my book of notes and memories of an enlightened Yoga and Fertility journey.   

The New Normal NBC TV Series: A Critique By The Infertility Counselor

I have been remiss in blogging about “The New Normal” TV series. There are some very positive aspects of this show, and some not so positive aspects.

Let’s start with the positive:

The parents express how desperately they want a child. This is true for all couples I have seen who are making these heroic efforts to become parents.

I love Goldie saying,” A family is a family and love is love”. That warms my heart.

I also love Brian saying, “Not being the baby’s biodad doesn’t make me less of a Dad”.

Another great quote, “A surrogate is like an easy bake oven”.

There are many lines which express perfectly the way surrogates and intended parents feel and think. This helps people understand and soften into this particular way of creating a family.

Now for the not so positive: Continue reading